did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
