She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
