Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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