You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
