He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
