Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
