'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
