Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
