If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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