I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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