i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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