If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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