Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
