I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
