sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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