Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
