dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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