I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
