There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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