The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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