I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
