i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
