i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
