..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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