i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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