I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to make a zoo with you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my liver is dry heaving
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize