Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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