Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize