everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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