im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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