i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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