the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
