I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
