I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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