oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
