If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
