She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My bed smells like the plague
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
