Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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