New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize