he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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