Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
