I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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