It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
