Whatcha textin bout Willis?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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