when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
