YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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