He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's never too late to be topless.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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