Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
