break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
