I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
