Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
