he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
