No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
