Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
