My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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