i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
