sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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