The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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