Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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