If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize