what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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