I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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