How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
