genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found your dick twin last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
