how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
