Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
