Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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