In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
