I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
