I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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